Puerile
by StackofStories
Summary: Percy tries to give The Talk to Nico. Keyword: tries. Implied slash relationships.


**This is the sort of sequel to Frivolous. Percy tries to give The Talk to Nico. Key word: tries.  
**

**Warnings: coarse language... implied relationships.**

**Puerile means childishly silly and trivial. Like this is piece is really trivial. And I wrote it in an afternoon. I read this over like really quick with some editing. I apologize for the mistakes found in this. **

* * *

**Puerile**

* * *

Percy had several notecards.

They were written in careful Ancient Greek so Percy could understand. Will sent them a week ago. It had taken a couple of days for Percy to gain the confidence to do this and a couple more days to actually read the information on the cards. He didn't think he'd ever feel thankful to Luke for anything, but reading these cards, holy shit, Luke was saint. He remembered back when it was his time for the talk. He had asked so many questions. Crap, the blush was back full force.

"Are you okay?" asked Nico.

Percy's attention snapped up. Nico di Angelo, the youngest of the Little Big Three, sat across from him in skull and crossbone pjs. His dark gaze was locked onto him, an eyebrow raised. "Percy?"

"Yes, I mean, yeah, I'm alright." He laughed hoping to break some of the tension. He nodded toward the half-emptied glass of milk in his cousin's hand. "How is it? Is it warm enough, did I use enough honey? I could get you something else if you like!"

"It's fine," Nico said. "What I want to know is why you were blushing, why you fixed me milk with honey, and why you've been giving me weird looks these passed few weeks when you think I haven't been looking? What is it you what to say, Jackson?"

And wow, Nico. Way to cut around the bullshit. Percy was hoping for a few more minutes but Nico forced his hand. It was now or never.

"Well Nico, I've been planning to talk you since you asked me those questions, you know." Percy waved his hand in the air, hoping that proved to be some sort of flashback point. Nico's eyebrows rose higher.

"What questions?"

"You know, that time when you and Jason!" he flapped his hand some more. He wasn't going to reiterate those questions. The secondhand embarrassment from that single memory was way strong. Percy cleared his throat. "Yeah."

"Percy, what are you getting at?"

Percy began to shuffle his notecards around. Christ, this was harder than taking down a monster. Why couldn't they be taking down monsters? He finally settled on the green notecard. He cleared his throat for the umpeenth time.

"Nico, you're my cousin and I care for you deeply. We can talk about anything tonight and I swear to you by the River Styx I won't share this information with anyone." he took a deep breath. "Tell me about your dreams, Nico. Have you been having any strange dreams?"

Nico stared at him like he had sprouted two more heads was speaking Icelandic. "We're demigods? We always have strange dreams?"

Point.

"Ah, not those types of dreams. Like the type that you wake up and there's… stuff… on you and your underwear. And," Percy gulped. "Little Nico may have woken up?"

"Little Nico?" Nico repeated. "Who's Little Nico. Is this a short joke, Percy. It isn't a very good one."

A short joke, Percy mouthed. Odin's beard. Nico couldn't be this innocent. Could he? "Uh no, Nico, it's not a joke. I'm referring to your thingie."

"My thingie?"

"Yes, your thingie."

"What thingie? I have multiple thingies."

"You have more than one penis?!" Percy practically shouted, mouth hanging agape. Crap! He totally needed to IM Will right now. He wasn't certified to have this talk.

"No? I only have one of those," Nico said, scrunching up his nose.

"But you just said that you had multiple thingies?" Percy said, head starting to hurt.

"I thought you referring to my stuff, everyone in this era seems to call their miscellaneous objects things or thingies." Nico shrugged. "I was trying to use more twenty-first century lingo."

Percy was pretty sure he was deadpanning. But he couldn't be too sure. Either way, he moved on. That was another thing he would have to teach Nico. Names people had for their penises. "Okay Nico. Let's try this again. Have you ever been in the situation where you're in public and your penis wakes up?"

"Wakes up?" Nico said in confusion.

"Gets hard, you get an erection. You get sexually excited."

"Yes," Nico nodded sagely. "I get rid of them though." he smiled widely at Percy.

Now, keep in mind Percy wasn't a pervert. He just needed to know this impending information to make sure his baby cousin was safe and wasn't hurting himself. "How do you get rid of it?"

"I go to Jason," Nico said simply. "He helps get rid of my erection."

And just like that, Percy's world tilted. He imagined he was like a robot with a few circuits cut. He did not compute what Nico had just said. Jason had done what now? He heard wrong. Yes, that was it.

He gave Nico one of his thousand-watt-I-just-saved-the-world smiles. "What was that, Nico? I seem to be hard of hearing today." He chuckled good-naturedly. Ohohoho. "Now, how do you get rid of those pesky erections."

Nico rolled his eyes. He took another sip of his milk. "Jason helps me."

Percy nodded. Okay. Okay. Okay. Everything was perfectly okay. He was perfectly calm. Mmhm, blood wasn't rushing in his ears. He wasn't imagining how he was going to kick Jason's ass so hard that he couldn't think of an analogy to explain the pain Jason would be in. How dare that blonde devil lay a hand on poor innocent naive Nico.

"Yeah, he _usually_ gives me a box of Kleenex, some Vaseline, and he offers a magazine. Yup," Nico popped his 'p'.

"Oh," Percy deflated. That wasn't so bad. That was actually his plan. Well, another thing off his checklist.

"Well, um, Nico. When you get rid of your erection it's called masturbating. It's where you um, uh, touch yourself among other things, to a point where you most likely co-," Percy awkwardly cleared his throat, glancing away from Nico. "Ejaculate."

Look at him using fancy medical terms.

"Among what other things?" Nico asked. He leaned forward.

"Huh?"

Nico rolled his eyes again. "You said: among other things, to to a point where you ejaculate. Among what other things?"

Percy went white. Of all his words, that was what Nico latched onto. "Uhh, you know," he was back to flapping his hand in the air. "Other things. Stuff."

"Like?" Nico prodded.

"You watch videos… or um touch other parts of your body… maybe purchase toys?" And crap. Nico's eyes went wide when he mentioned toys. Why did he have to mention toys. Why did Nico look so interested in toys?!

"Toys," Nico breathed, glee an undercurrent in his words. "What sort of toys?"

Percy was back to blushing and laughing awkwardly. The Fates or Gods were doing this on purpose to get back at him; Annabeth did say his sassy backtalk and disrespect for the Gods would bite him in the ass one day. He just hoped Lord Hades never found out about this little chat.

"Haha, silly things like beads, dolls, plugs and uhh, silly items that vibrate and boring old wands. It really isn't interesting. Only adults can play with these sorts of toys. You need an I.D. card to even purchase those types of toys. Wait a few more years, a decade or three should suffice."

Nico pouted. "They sound fun. Jason mentioned a toy..."

Percy choked down his sputter with a laugh. "You're not missing out on a lot, I promise."

He set down his cards. Enough about masturbation, now, he could get to the heavy lifting. He dug into his basketball shorts and pulled out a Sue Storm plastic toy and and a GI Joe plastic toy from his pocket. McDonalds toys from his childhood.

"Um, let's talk about coitus," Percy fingered the dolls nervously. He could do this. He was no sex expert; heck, his first time was a couple of months ago, but he could do this! This was for Nico.

"Coitus?"

"Sex. Coitus is the scientific term for sex. Okay," he held up Ken. "When a man meets a woman—"

"Percy?" Nico raised his hand.

"Yes?"

"I don't like women..." Nico said in an impossibly small voice. His pale face was blotted with pink and he was staring at the table. Oh. **Oh**.

"Well, I didn't anticipate that but that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that, we're Greek after all. Just imagine her as a man. So, when a man meets another man—"

"Percy?" Nico spoke up again, flushing a deeper pink.

"Yes Nico."

"Jason already gave me the talk," he blurted. He was red by this point.

Oh. Percy sat down his dolls. "He explained sex to you?"

"Jason did a lot more than explain. _A lot more_," Nico giggled, looking off with a dazed expression, face still red. "I think I may need a few more lessons though."

"Jason did what now?" Percy growled. He did not like that facial expression on Nico's face, how he was biting his lip, and argh! He hoped this was one of this times were he was coming to the wrong conclusion.

Nico suddenly blinked as if he just realized where he was. "Look at the time, Percy. School tomorrow and all that jazz, thanks for the talk!" Nico hurried from his seat. He patted Percy on his back and then he disappeared in a plume of shadows. Percy sat there in shock.

"Nico! You get your butt back out here and explain to me what you and Jason did!"


End file.
